On October 28th, David Sedaris was at the Overture Center. I saw him for the first time last year, a birthday present, and was so happy to hear he was coming back again this year (A birthday to myself this year). I made a night of it, going downtown for dinner at the Old Fashioned before the show.
Evidently 5:30 on a Friday is one of the worst times to come, as it was forty five minute to an hour wait. The one consolation was if you could find a spot at the bar , which was serving the menu as well. I guess I was spoiled as every other time I have gone, I was sat right away. Well I ordered a Pumpkin ale and waited. The show didn't start until 8:00 and I figured (correctly) that he wouldn't start signing books until at least 7:40 or so. I waited for forty five minutes before there was an opening at the bar. By now, Mr. lightweight was feeling pretty good, due to the Pumpkin Ale i had ordered. I decided to order another, along with my regular order, #38 Summer sausage sandwich with onions and sauerkraut and fries. I finished my meal, now feeling even better with beer #2 finished.
I walked to the Overture Center, as I now had about twenty minutes to kill. I ended up being about number 12 in line. Last year i had made the incorrect assumption that due to it being a sold out appearance he wouldn't be signing books,. When I realized my error, the line was way to long and I wasn't about to buy a book I already had one of at home. This year I brought one of my favorites and one that was very special to me. I brought Holidays on Ice, a collection of Christmas related essays, covering his time as a Department store elf, one about Christmas card letters and family Christmases. I have always enjoyed this book, but it took on a special meaning as it was a book I read to Tim around Christmas 2009. I would generally read it as we went to bed, he usually falling asleep before i was even a page in. I must have started that book over at least 15 times, having to reread pages he had fallen asleep before. I even have the Hall's cough drop wrapper I used as a book mark, marking the last page I read.
I am always very nervous about meeting authors/personalities. I was very nervous meeting Wade Rouse and Josh Kilmer Purcell, even though these meetings went very well and were very fun. I think my biggest problem was not knowing what to say, or over analyzing what I would say. I wanted to share the importance of this book, but at the same time just wanted to meet David and hopefully exchange some small talk. The people in front of me were laughing and having a good time when they would meet with him, so I was hoping for the same. While the conversation didn't quite go as planned, he was very polite and gracious. I was able to briefly share my story but it sort went by so fast, the meeting, that I am not sure he understood what I had said. Anyway, I was very happy to have met him and to have him sign the book.
Now as for the show, he was in good from again, reading form a few of his essays that have appeared in The New Yorker and from his diary. One of the essays was about his adventures with a foreign language tapes. After tweaking one company for its limited collection of phrases in the article (New Yorker), he later received a bonus lesson from the company made just for him, which included the Japanese-to-English translation of 'I am a middle-aged homosexual." he also read "Why I am not Running for President," a satirical essay in which he assumes the persona of a Republican who explains why he is not running but also why he is the best choice. (God told him he was the best choice). He offered his solutions on topics ranging form abortion to illegal immigration. needless to say his persona was over the top and made the current Republican hopefuls look way more appealing in comparison. (Wasn't sure that was possible)
David then read a few diary entries before closing with a some jokes. I willnow share three of the best.
Lorena Bobbitt and Monica Lewinsky were walking down a sidewalk one night when a man in a trench coat approached them and opened his coat. He had the biggest and thickest cock either of them had ever seen. Monica turns to Lorena and asks if she still has 'that" knife.' Lorena says yes and reaches in her purse for it. Monica says great , and taking a finger to either side of her mouth and tracing her way up her checks, telling Lorena to cut her her and here. imagine the joker smile and you get the visual.
A man and women are riding in an elevator at a medical donation center. The women asks him what he is donating, to which the man replies, "Sperm. They pay $50 a donation." He then asks the women what she is donating, to which she replies, "Plasma. All I get is $5.00 a donation. What a rip off." A few weeks later, the man and women meet again in the same elevator. The man asks if she is donating plasma again. The women, clearly with he mouth full, shakes her head and mumbles um mmm (no). I hope that was self explanatory ( she had a mouth full of sperm).
A man was just about asleep when he heard a knock at his front door. He angrily gets out of bed and makes his way to the front door. He opens the door and looks down to find a snail. The snail asks " Hello sir, could I interest you in a magazine subscription?" The man was so pissed upon being disturbed for this, he kicks the snail off the porch and onto the side walk, slamming the door and storming back to bed. Two years later there is another late night knock at the door. The man goes to the font door, opens it and see the snail once a gain. The snail says, "What the fuck was that for".
Well needless to say, Mr. Sedaris is a great story teller and a wonderful essayists, and is not to be missed when he comes to town. I truly had an an enjoyable evening and can't wait to see him again. See I promised upbeat and believe I have delivered :)
