Well here we are now, it is December. I can't believe how fast the past 12 months have gone. The past 12 months have at times been a whirlwind, in speed of passing and in emotions and feelings. There was only the smallest speck of light at the long tunnel I was facing in January. Having made it closer too the end of that tunnel, at times feels like nothing short of a miracle. As I have said in the past, while I would in no way have sought this grief and the the raw emotions that go hand in hand with it, I am glad for the journey that brought me to grief's doorstep. To have had anytime with him (and the loss felt after his passing) was better than never having had anytime with him.
While the days are still filled with memories and daily reminders of him, the days are better now then 12 months ago. The month has other significant days besides the 31st, but the first one passed rather well. The 2nd was the day he went into the hospital. The 10th was the stroke and surgery then there is/was Christmas. Last Christmas was so, well at least for me, surreal. It was the first time in 41 years I wasn't at home and the first at an Indian restaurant. I was able to celebrate with friends, so that helped immensely. Now as for the 31st..well now that day is something I am still working on/working out in my head. I don't know what I want to do that day, but I think I will probably spend it by myself, at least the evening anyway.
I honestly, as the writing of this post, feel pretty good emotionally. Now I am still not really "celebrating" Christmas this year. I am not putting up a tree and am not sending Christmas cards. Now I will still celebrate with a few friends and family, but on the whole I am just taking a break this year. I am enjoying shopping for presents for friends and family, but that is really the extent of my Christmas this year. Next year I will feel more festive and more inclined to "celebrate".
I will post again soon, I just wanted to give a brief update on the month so far.
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