I wasn't really planning on adding anything, believing that I was "done" in January,  the mood has struck me again.  I have been thinking of Tim lately, as his birthday is coming in a few weeks (June 3rd). I think another reason has been my attempts at dating.  Suffice it to say the dating is not going as hoped .

Both things, his pending birthday and the dating, have caused me to reflect on why I am here and what my dating represents.  I am here because he is gone, and I am left to live on.  Dating reflects my current single status and my hopes for companionship.  I am and have been in a good place regarding his being gone.  I have accepted the reality of his passing and my reactions to it.  While I still miss him and think of him often, I also know I need to also move on with my life.  Dating seems like the right thing to do, even though it may not and has not been working out as I would like.

Now it has proven, and to be honest I need to proof to this fact, that it is far easier to 'get a little" than it is  to meet someone you would like to date.  While I am not above reproach and have 'gotten a little", I would rather have someone to spend time with, to date and hopefully to have  a relationship with. I have had nice date recently, but know that this will not go beyond the occasional cup of coffee or lunch and phone call. I am glad for the date experience, as it has been a long time since I have dated, and the "practice" has been nice.

 I think that I was putting a bit too much on this date, and its success.  We hit it off very well and talked via email and text quite extensively over the course of six weeks. We have met a few times and each meeting has been fun and entertaining.  But, and in most cases there always is one, the good times came to an end.  The communication slowed to a trickle and then stopped all together.  When we did speak again I asked if there was something I should be doing or that I wasn't doing and was told that he needed to go slow due to being burned in the past.  Well we evidently had different ideas of what slow means.  I believe his definition is glacial in nature while mine is more snail or tortoise in nature. 

I will hang out and as stated before, meet for coffee or lunch and the occasional phone call, but that truly is all I am  expecting.  I will move on and wade into the dating pool again.  I have been trying to tell myself that this go around, I will let the relationship come to me and not actively pursue it.  With Tim, I was actively looking for a relationship and lucked into one.  This time I will try the "I am not really looking so that way one (relationship) will come along" approach. 

Here's to hope or is it optimism? Or is it more like here's to chance or fate, Well regardless I will solider on and let what happens happen. (unless after a reasonable amount of time I again actively pursue a relationship- and hope for a second lightning strike.)